EX FILES…
Can you really stay friends with an EX?
Being friends with an ex is possible if you do things like avoid drunk dialing, “have self-respect”, “be nice to his new girlfriend”, and don’t “be a bunny boiler” which apparently is some random UK slang for total psycho. Her last bit of advice may be the only part that makes sense: “It can be easy to fall into the trap of trying anything to stay close to your ex, but this isn’t generally healthy. If staying in contact is messing up his life, or yours, don’t be afraid to walk away.” Because isn’t staying friends with an ex is a near-impossible task if you ever really loved them?
Of course, if there are children or pets involved, you kind of have to suck up your feelings and remain civil for the sake of your shared responsibility. But if you’ve emerged from a relationship without any warm-blooded dependents, what’s the point of staying friends? Seems like people who stay bff with their exes are either a) still smitten and trying to get back together, b) totally masochistic, or c) reasonably narcissistic and fluffing their egos with the idea that their exes are still in love with them. (When we’ve made an effort to stay friends with someone we had deep feelings for, we’d end up calling them all wastey at 3 in the morning and telling them how much we missed “us.” Yeah, not so healthy.) Some people manage to remain civil acquaintances with exes, but is it possible to maintain a non-dysfunctional super close relationship with someone after you’ve lost that loving feeling?
Ex’s who continuously hang around or won’t let go.
He may know there’s nothing between them but I don’t think Ex really got over the split.
If it’s so important to prove how intimate they are, there’s a high chance that Ex is still hoping for a rematch.
Either way, you need to explain to your partner why you’re jealous and that you’re not comfortable with his Ex’s actions and it’s his job to tell his Ex all the “remember when” stuff is over now.
Don’t try to compete with her - just ignore her . Treat her as you would an attention-seeking child, with kindly firmness.
Tips on what to do when your bf’s Ex wont let go
1 DON’T assume you’re being paranoid - if you’re not sure, enlist a close friend to witness her behavior and report back.
2 TELL him that it makes you feel uncomfortable with everything about his Ex, although you respect the fact they’re friends.
3 TELL him how you feel without blaming - then it’s up to him to keep an eye on his responses, rather than assuming you’re fine even if you’re not.
4 IF you suspect there’s more going on, you must tell him why you feel threatened and give him the chance to explain. Be suspicious if he can’t.
5 DON’T be aggressive, or his Ex will just assume you’re jealous.
6 BE alert with both your partner and his Ex. It’s fine for Ms. Ex to talk or come around, but you need to tell your partner to keep the reminiscing to a minimum. And if Ex persists in rehashing old intimacies, there is nothing wrong with threatening to cut a bitch.
